Brooklyn, New York December 2013
Photographed by Rob Hoffman
Brooklyn, New York December 2013
Photographed by Robin Harper
Just Learn to Live without people effecting you so much.
—- Visit ThatsGoodWeed.com for Cannabis Culture & Giveaways
Fo real tho. Lol.
Becoming famous causes you to question yourself in ways you would never imagine. When all of society is analyzing your every word and move trying to interpret who you are and whether or not they like you, unknown Truths about yourself are sometimes revealed. The problem is, the Truth is like a double edged sword, and if it’s not handled with care, it can become quite destructive…#AstrosAdventures
The night I told you that I’d fallen in love with you, after you rejected me, I asked you why you wouldn’t just leave me alone. You said it was because I was a friend who didn’t appear to be in a good place. I looked like I could use help. I’m writing this letter as a confession because I’m at a point now where the mention of your name pulls so strongly at my heartstrings, I can hardly bare it. I wasn’t in a bad place. I was probably in the best place of my life. It’s just that sometimes looks can be deceiving, and I didn’t know how to explain to you the truth: you were the missing piece of information that I needed to plan out how I’d move forward with the rest of my life.
I have to write this because I don’t know the next time I’ll be able to talk with you, and I have to move forward with my life. You may already know everything I’m about to tell you. You may not even care, but I have to be completely honest because I’m 22 years old, and I’m tired. I’m tired of being hopeful for things I have no control over. Not because of the pain of rejection or even the disappointment of not getting what I want. I’m tired of battling the constant doubt.
Before you went to see Becky in Kentucky, you sent Jasmyn a text that said if it didn’t work out with Becky, you’d ask me out on a date. No one knew if it was a joke or if you were serious, but one thing that I knew was it was at least an opportunity.
You see, I’d been strangely attracted to you from the moment I met you. Of course, you were married at the time, and so I assumed there’d never be a chance, but even still, there was something about you that made me want to ride across the country and sell books door to door. A couple years later, there was something again, something that almost made me turn down my dream internship to repeat the experience that had been one of the worst in my life (worst in my life being no exaggeration. Given your most recent understanding of who I am, you can hopefully imagine how painful that experience actually was).
When Jasmyn began her relationship with Peter, I saw it as an opportunity to reignite a friendship that had always been attractive to me. And when she began dating you, it was even better because now I had a way of seeing if it was worth reigniting after all.
Of course, in no time you completely won me over. Just a night and a day with you, and I was lost on your magic carpet ride. I was willing to do anything and everything because when I was with you, I felt safe and loved. It’s probably pitiful to think that with all of the friends I have, and given the size of my family, you were the only person in the world who could make me feel that way. While ideas danced around in my head that I may be in love with you, I refused to allow myself to believe it because I’d been through the pain of falling in love with men who could never love me as I loved them.
Eventually, I chalked the feeling up to you being a really good salesman, and planned to move forward with my life. You seemed too good to be true, which left one alternative. You were manipulating me to boost the residual income you received through recruiting people to your sales team. Why me? Why not? You were a skilled salesman, and I was a vulnerable target having never truly experienced unconditional, human love. I didn’t want to lose myself in a false reality, so I put the brakes on my feelings towards you.
And then Jasmyn received a text. If it didn’t work out with Becky, you’d ask me on a date. Suddenly an entire new world of possibilities opened up. Perhaps I hadn’t misread the situation. Perhaps it wasn’t all my fantasy after all. I decided to ask the Universe.
I read your horoscope, I read Becky’s horoscope, and did a comparative analysis against my own. The universe seemed to be telling me that it couldn’t work out with Becky, and that you and I stood a really strong chance. But as I spiritual as I am, I am also very analytical, so I needed more information.
I chose to forget about it. If you came to me, then I’d go. If you didn’t, then I’d leave it all alone. I couldn’t help myself. I asked how things were going, and the day you dropped Becky off at the airport, elated, you said it was great. She was amazing, and you were happy.
I was sad at first. And then I remembered there was hope. I had a text that said, maybe Paul could love me. I decided to fight for you. I’d never fought for anyone before, but for some reason, I felt I had to fight for you. You came and picked me up from the library, and I continued to collect information about you. Within a couple of days of living at your house, the tables turned. You asked me to trust you, and I did. Almost completely. I was scared to tell you how I felt because I knew you were with Becky, and I didn’t know if it was all in my head. I didn’t want to lose the friendship the way I had so many times in the past just because of my feelings for you. But more importantly, I didn’t want to lose the potential to be more than friends.
I realized much later that during my time at your house, you thought I was trying to seduce you sexually. As great as sex would be with you (and as amazing for you that it would be with me), what I really was trying to seduce from you was love. Human touch. Physical comfort.
I read people, and all of the signs pointed to you being in love with me as much as I was in love with you. The more emotional an experience, the more it’s burned into my memory, and every moment with you, sober or otherwise, is recorded forever. I constantly played back the memories, wondering if I was imagining them or if they were real…constantly…
You thought I wanted to stay at your house. I couldn’t care less about shelter. You thought I wanted your food…I grew up going to bed hungry…you thought I wanted to live my entire life asking for things from others and giving nothing in return…I just wanted to rest for one summer…and if I had to be homeless to do that (which I did), then that’s what I would do. The only flaw in my plan to get out of my homelessness was you. I couldn’t figure out what you wanted from me in order to love me, and so I couldn’t plan my next steps. You’re just so difficult to predict.
And then you told me that night on Skype that you could never love me in the way that I’d imagined. My heart shattered. Completely. I’d been rejected countless times before, but never had I been rejected by someone with whom I shared such beautiful memories. Worst of all, you wanted to be my friend so that I could constantly be reminded of my rejection and stupidity for ever believing someone as amazing as you, could love someone as complex and abnormal as me.
And then Peter was on Skype and you apologized, and against my wishes, hope was reborn. I didn’t want it to be, but how could the universe be wrong? Weren’t we meant to be together?
During my meditation today, I realized that my life will completely change tomorrow. It’s the first day of fall, and my summer rest is over. I’ll be returning to my life, ready to make moves to change the world for the better. Given my talents and abilities, I’ll most likely end up making lots of money and using it to be the change I want to see in the world. My assumption is that I’ll change the world in a way as powerful as MLK, Malcom X, Mother Theresa, Ghandi…some people say I’m conceited. I believe I’m simply determined and sickened by the injustice and the disparity I see all around me. I have a burning desire to enact change, and so I will.
This letter was long…I’ve tried several times to get over you, but every time I do, I think, what if…
And I am ever the dreamer, the romantic, ever hopeful. I trust my instincts more than I trust anyone else’s words because I see deception all around me all of the time. My instincts tell me that not only would we be happy together, we’d be powerful. Our love would serve as an example to the world. But that’s not what’s important. This is:
I’m in love with you. I’ve never met anyone as loving and generous, as kind and accepting, as creative and intelligent as you. I’ve never been held by someone as confident and strong, as gentle and protecting, as fierce and loyal as you. When I look into your eyes I see an innocent beauty that is fighting to survive against a brokenness and a pain that has left its mark. I see that pain, and I want to hold you forever so that you feel the love that I have for you and understand that I want to use all of whatever power I may have to make it go away.
Your life isn’t perfect, and yet all you want to do is help. For nothing in return, except love. I’d prepared myself to be alone forever, in my battle to change the world, and then you came. As I saw more of who you were, I fell deeper and deeper in love. I knew I could fix my life in a matter of months, but after being with you for just a week, I didn’t want to have to imagine my life without you in it. Not as broskis, but as lovers, as partners, forever. You pushing me to grow, and me pushing you. Our example pushing the world. Against all odds. Race, gender, societal norms…Paul and Daniel. What are we? Who knows? Who cares? Simply together…
I’m dramatic, I know…but that’s the truth. That’s some of what’s locked away in the mysterious, green notebook. Our hour long conversation that we never had. I’m probably crazy for believing and hoping, but you know how I feel…crazy is genius. –Daniel Ephraim Miller aka Astro
If society is ready to embrace a trend, almost anyone can start one—and if it isn’t, then almost no one can.–
I’m thinking of starting a trend tonight…:)
Duncan Watts, cited by Clive Thompson in Is The Tipping Point Toast?
Anything to undo the baloney that Gladwell has spread around.
This is interesting because it can better help us quantify and analyze how we naturally output information. If we can learn to control it, we can possibly give off information as perfectly as we want to causing others to perceive us exactly how we want to be perceived…
In a Mood? Call Center Agents Can Tell
“It’s not what you say. It’s how you say it,” says Dan Emodi, vice president for marketing at Beyond Verbal. “Listening to these patterns, we can allow machines for the first time to understand the emotional side of our communications.”
The more invasive audio mining also has the potential to unnerve some consumers, who might squirm at the idea of an unknown operator getting an instant entree into their psyche.
Full Story: NYT